I'm Still Standing

Yesterday was day seven of my self-imposed 30 day yoga commitment.  And I hit a wall.  It wasn't an, 'Oh my, my shoulder grazed the wall' moment.  It was a full on, frontal assault, hit the wall moment.  And you know what?  I'm still standing.

I went to morning yoga, not unusual for me on the weekend, but after doing six straight days of yoga, I did not fuel my body properly.  I generally do not eat before morning yoga - however, I'm finding my body has its own set of rules as I move through this journey and a little something in my system may have made the difference.  I ran out of energy about 3/4 of the way through the class.  Rather than leave the room, I stayed and laid in savasana (dead body pose), an accurate moniker for the way I felt.  My inclination, as a veteran yogini and over-achiever, was to label the moment, degrade myself in some way, put my towel over my face and hide.  Not hide from others in the room, mind you, but hide from facing my own limitations and humanness.  However, having commited my life to intentionality and always embracing the moment (whatever!), I promptly removed the towel from my face, opened my eyes to stay present, and acknowledged my feelings of exhaustion.  No judgment, no labels, no self-loathing.  Acknowledged and noticed.  You know what I did, something most women, most people really, don't know how to do without serious commitment to intentionality?  I let it go.  And I took care of myself.

I am a champ at taking care of everyone around me. If something needs doing, I'm right there.  You need a birthday cake by tomorrow?  No problem.  Fourteen different frosting colors?  How about sixteen.  Written in Old English script? I am Helpy Helperson.  Because that's what we do as women, right?  We measure our self-worth in how much we do for others, a sort of currency in martyrdom.  Time to reframe, folks:  What if we are worthy just the way we are?  What if we trust everyone can take care of their own needs, barring, of course, our young children and elderly parents?  But even if that is a component of our life and we need to be care-givers on some level, we still need to find the time for self-care.  If we don't take care of ourselves, fill our reserves, rest when our bodies tell us we need to rest, what good are we to those we love?  And do we really think those who love us want this for us?  A resounding NO.  Where did this come from?  Let's try a little experiment.  Let it go.  Take care of yourself.  Are you still standing?

Excerpt from Bikram Yoga, 2007, p. 279

"It all starts from a perception inside.  The 'problems' we have exist only because you label certain things that way.  You're making a judgment on a set of circumstances or events, and judging them as undesirable.  What if you had the power to see the good in everything, and ignore the bad?  What if you could take negative thoughts, emotions, words and actions, and transform them into their positive equivalent?  Imagine all the extra energy and power you would possess.  The simple truth is, you can do this.  This is an important step on the path, an awakening or a kind of introduction to Self-Realization."